#(this is a call at the void because i know theres people who also like it

[mapachel1f3]

People, please tell me theres somebody out there that likes the series of Tomb Raider: The Legend of Lara Croft

Please, PLEASE tell me universe that this world not full of people just hating the fact that a woman who is a TREASURE HUNTER and knows martial arts and fights with other people, has muscles. Please please please, prove me wrong

PLEASE

[iwakuraz]

it'll all be okay because there's only one more day left in the school week and after that it'll be the weekend. wait no what do you mean after the weekend I'll just have to go back to school? what do you mean the cycle of going to school and coming back home completely worn out is gonna continue?

[ball-of-butter]

youre like the only account i look at on here for red queen content (specifically maven) so please go full psychological analysis on maven please. i love your posts they itch my brain perfectly

omygosh anon 🤭 tyyyy tyyyy

theres so much to say about maven and its kinda crazy considering he doesn’t get that much actual page time. so keep in mind that many people could have different interpretations of his character, since he is quite elusive. and i may or may notttt be biassed idk.

the first thing i believe: he's a character that, for all his supposed motivations, had no ambition or dream of his own. he was a complete vessel of his mother’s spite, so he makes for a pretty interesting paradox. mare was haunted by a ‘false’ maven that didn't exist (debatable). cal was haunted by an ‘erased’ maven that used to exist. what is maven haunted by? everything and everyone? he’s a ghost himself, he’s the one who usually did the haunting, but even when you get his POV in the books, there’s a tragedy in the negative space you find. there are clear holes in his psyche that he also subconsciously attempts to fill (his memories always fight to bubble to the surface, but they invoke feelings he can’t feel anymore) and never can. despite how pissed off he is at everyone and everything, he so very clearly yearns for love and approval, to the point where he is absolutely delusional about it. there he was, shocked that mare would reject him after he imprisoned and betrayed her and the scarlet guard. here’s him outraged that anabel lerolan would side with cal after he plotted her son’s murder.

elara basically sculpted a monster, and i don’t think that can be debated since its pretty clearly stated in text. even maven knew what she took from him and the extent of the abuse— but he didn't care because she gave him the love he craved. she couldn’t fill it all, if maven’s obsession with mare was anything to go by. i do think elara genuinely loved and adored him, but i don’t know if i would use the word ‘enabler’ for her because it seems too soft a word. maven is elara. elara dies and maven can’t survive on his own for long without her. he was her iron fist in a way, but neither had much interest in norta as a country like most scheming for the throne usually do– which i find so interesting. it wasn’t political, only personal.

now then there lies the debate of choice— some maven fans are completely comfortable heaping all of the blame onto elara and calling it a day. but i think even elara was failed in a similar way maven was. red queen is cool because it shows how evil is encouraged and nurtured in oppressive societies, how certain individuals even in privileged positions will be abused and neglected, how vices are taught to be hidden rather than treated and how violence is perpetuated as the surest, most permanent decree. every character is affected by this system in some way, and i could talk about it for years but i’ll save you the time. my point is that this would apply to maven, but that doesn’t make him void of choice. it’s sort of predictable that he would make the terrible choices he did in the series considering he never had the chance to escape what predestined narrative was already planned for him, but no one was physically forcing him to burn his initial into mare. no one was physically forcing him to try slaughter a whole race of people. no one physically forced him to blow up naercey, or taunt cal after forcing him to murder his dad, or psychologically torture mare when he kept her as prisoner. yes, there’s nuance but maven is also much too comfortable with being a terrible person, because thats what ultimately earns him love, respect and approval.

i don’t think maven could’ve been saved, not because 'the damage was too bad,' but because he had no desire to be saved, and no one but cal had wanted to put in the effort to save him. i always find it interesting how cal secretly resented mare for killing maven, even though it was such a longtime coming, and he would never voice it because considering all maven had done to her, she had more than the right. but i don’t want to yap so much about maven’s relationship with cal because i’ll be here forever. nor do i want to talk too much about his relationship with mare. i'll only say that when i was talking about his death scene i did mention how much of an impact both of them had on each other, how maven was so scary to mare because he was a viable twisted path that represented the worst of her. i think mare could’ve been (my biassed interpretation) a path for him too, but he was so far gone by the second book and especially after elara’s death that he never considered it (would’ve been too late for him then anyway). i have some thoughts on the chances of maven rehabilitating if he had the tools and will to. some thoughts. they won’t go here though.

lastly i just want to link this post which had super interesting additions by @lucy-the-cat that delves into maven from a psychological perspective. its sooooo well written and i still think about it to this day.

last thing i wanna do is glaze a bit so im just gonna 😭 its refreshing to see this sort of villain be portrayed as an mmc who isn’t attractively suave and super misunderstood and depressed and supremely intelligent for what he does– maven is intelligent and sad, but he's presented as a floundering, insecure, delusional brat that the fmc understands entirely. something so refreshing in how he can only either be hated, and at best, pitied.

[thesiltverses]

I don’t know who types up the ask answers on this blog but to whoever’s reading this: how do you all feel about being alive and sentient? What keeps you going, what purpose propels you through this chaotic void? What do you think (or hope) waits for you after your inevitable end? What do you think constitutes a life well lived?

I'm going to answer this in the most wayward and stupidly overlong manner possible, because the previous ask had me thinking about puppets, and I was already mid-way through writing up a book recommendation that's semi-relevant to your questions.

Everyone (but especially people who've enjoyed The Silt Verses and all the folks on Tumblr who loved Piranesi by Susanna Clarke) ought to seek out Riddley Walker by Russell Hoban.

Riddley Walker is a wild and woolly story set in post-apocalyptic Kent, where human society has (d)evolved into a Bronze Age collective of hunter-gatherer settlements. Dogs, apparently blaming us for our crimes against the world, have become our predators, hunting us through the trees. Labourers kill themselves unearthing ancient machinery that they cannot possibly understand.

A travelling crowd of thugs led by a Pry Mincer collect taxes and attempt to impose themselves upon those around them with a puppet-show - the closest possible approximation of a TV show - that tells a mangled story of the world's destruction, featuring a Prometheus-esque hero called Eusa who is tempted by the Clevver One into creating the atomic bomb.

Riddley himself, a twelve-year-old folk hero in-the-making surrounded by strange portents, ends up sowing the seeds of rebellion and change by becoming a conduit for the anti-tutelary anarchic madness (one apparently buried in our collective unconscious) of Punch 'n' Judy.

It's a book in love with twisted reinterpretation, the subjectivity of interpretation, buried or forbidden truths coming back to light (the opening quote is a curious allegory about reinvention and cyclical change from the extra-canonical Gospel of Thomas, which is a good joke and mission statement on a couple levels at once) and human beings somehow stumbling into forms of wisdom or insight through clumsy and nonsensical attempts to make sense of a world that is simply beyond them.

It rocks.

The book starts like this:

On my naming day when I come 12 I gone front spear and kilt a wyld boar he parbly the las wyld pig on the Bundel Downs any how there hadnt ben none for a long time befor him nor I aint looking to see none agen. He dint make the groun shake nor nothing like that when he come on to my spear he wernt all that big plus he lookit poorly. He done the reqwyrt he ternt and stood and clattert his teef and made his rush and there we wer then. Him on 1 end of the spear kicking his life out and me on the other end watching him dy. I said, 'Your tern now my tern later.'

Riddley's devolved language - a trick which has been nicked/homaged by many other works, most notably Cloud Atlas and Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome - is a masterwork choice which may seem offputting or overwhelming at first, but which has its own brutal poetry and cadence to it, and ultimately which makes us slow down as readers and unpick the wit, puns, double-meanings and playful themes buried in line after line.

(Even those first five sentences get us thinking about cyclical change, ritual and myth in opposition to the dissatisfactions of reality, and 'tern' to paradoxically indicate a rebellious change in direction but also an obedient acceptance of inevitable death.)

In one of my favourite passages in literature and a statement of thought that means a lot to me, Riddley has been smoking post-coital weed with Lorna, a 'tel-woman', who unexpectedly declares her belief in a kind of irrational, monstrous Logos that lives in us, wears us like clothes, and drives us onwards for its own purpose:

'You know Riddley theres some thing in us it dont have no name.' I said, 'What thing is that?' She said, 'Its some kynd of thing it aint us but yet its in us. Its lookin out thru our eye hoals...it aint you nor it dont even know your name. Its in us lorn and loan and shelterin how it can.' 'Tremmering it is and feart. It puts us on like we put on our cloes. Some times we dont fit. Some times it cant fynd the arm hoals and it tears us a part. I dont think I took all that much noatis of it when I ben yung. Now Im old I noatise it mor. It dont realy like to put me on no mor. Every morning I can feal how its tiret of me and readying to throw me a way. Iwl tel you some thing Riddley and keap this in memberment. What ever it is we dont come naturel to it.' I said, 'Lorna I dont know what you mean.' She said, 'We aint a naturel part of it. We dint begin when it begun we dint begin where it begun. It ben here befor us nor I dont know what we are to it. May be weare jus only sickness and a feaver to it or boyls on the arse of it I dont know. Now lissen what Im going to tel you Riddley. It thinks us but it dont think like us. It dont think the way we think. Plus like I said befor its afeart.' I said, 'Whats it afeart of?' She said, 'Its afeart of being beartht.'

While Hoban is, I think, deeply humanistic to his bones and even something of a wayward optimist, the notion of human beings as helpless and ignorant vessels, individual carriers - puppets, if you like - for an unknowable and awful inhuman power-in-potentia and life-drive that lacks a true shape or intent beyond its own continued survival (even when that means destroying us or visiting us with agonising atrophy in the process) conjures up the pessimism of Thomas Ligotti, another big influence on our work and a dude who was really into his marionettes-as-metaphor.

Let's go to him now for his opinion on the thing that lives beneath our skin. Thomas?

Through the prophylactic of self-deception, we keep hidden what we do not want to let into our heads, as if we will betray to ourselves a secret too terrible to know… …(that the universe is) a play with no plot and no players that were anything more than portions of a master drive of purposeless self-mutilation. Everything tears away at everything else forever. Nothing knows of its embroilment in a festival of massacres… Nothing can know what is going on.

Curiously, both Ligotti and Riddley Walker have appeared in the music of dark folk band Current 93, whose track In The Heart Of The Wood And What I Found There directly homages the novel and ends with the repeated words,

"All shall be well," she said But not for me

These words, in turn, hearken back to Kafka's* famous reported conversation with Max Brod:

'We are,' he said, 'nihilistic thoughts, suicidal thoughts that rise in God's head.' This reminded me of the worldview of the gnostic: God as an evil demiurge, the world as his original sin. 'Oh no', he said, 'our world is only a bad, fretful whim of God, a bad day.' 'So was there - outside of this world that we know - hope?' He smiled: 'Oh, hope - there is plenty. Infinite hope, just not for us."

So, we walk on.

We carry this thing that's riding on our backs, endlessly bonded to it, feeling its weight more and more with every passing day, unable to turn to look at it. Buried truths come briefly to life, and are hidden from us again. Perhaps they weren't truths at all. We couldn't stand to look the truth directly in the eyes in any case.

If there is hope, it's for the thing that looks out from our eyeholes, which thinks us but cannot think like us. We'll never get to where we're going, and the thing will never be born. There's no hope for it. Perhaps we don't want it to win anyway. It's nothing, and the key to everything.

The Jesus from the Gospel of Thomas says:

'When you see your own likeness, you rejoice. But when you see the visions that formed you and existed before you, which do not perish and which do not become visible - how much then will you be able to bear?'

Kafka, writing to his father, begins by expressing the inexpressibility of his own divine terror:

You asked me why I am afraid of you. I did not know how to answer - partly because of my fear, partly because an explanation would require more than I could make coherent in speech…even in writing, the magnitude of the causes exceeds my memory and my understanding.

Kafka concludes that while he cannot ever truly explain himself, and that the accusations in his letter are neat subjectivities that fail to account for the messiness of reality, perhaps 'something that in my opinion so closely resembles the truth…might comfort us both a little and make it easier for us to live and die.'**

It doesn't bring comfort to Kafka, whose diarised remarks both before and after the 1919 letter make it clear that he views his relationship with the things (people) that birthed him as an endless entrapment that prevents him from attaining any kind of self-actualisation or even comfort, since he cannot escape their influence or remember a time before them:

I was defeated by Father as a small boy and have been prevented since by pride from leaving the battleground, despite enduring defeat over and over again.

It's as if I wasn't fully born yet...as if I was dissolubly bound to these repulsive things (my parents).*** The bond is still attached to my feet, preventing them from walking, from escaping the original formless mush. That's how it is sometimes.

Samuel Beckett returns again and again (aptly) to this pursuit of a state of true humanity and final understanding that is at once fled and unrecoverable, yet to be born, never to be born, never-existed, endlessly to be pursued, pointless to pursue. From the astonishing end sequence of The Unnameable:

alone alone, the others are gone, they have been stilled, their voices stilled, their listening stilled, one by one, at each new-com- ing, another will come, I won’t be the last. I’ll be with the others. I’ll be as gone, in the silence, it won’t be I, it’s not I, I’m not there yet. I’ll go there now. I’ll try and go there now, no use trying, I wait for my turn, my turn to go there, my turn to talk there, my turn to listen there, my turn to wait there for my turn to go, to be as gone, it’s unending, it will be unending, gone where,where do you go from there, you must go somewhere else, wait somewhere else, for your turn to go again

I’m not the first, I won’t be the first, it will best me in the end, it has bested better than me, it will tell me what to do, in order to rise, move, act like a body endowed with despair, that’s how I reason, that’s how I hear myself reasoning, all lies, it’s not me they’re calling, not me they’re talking about, it’s not yet my turn, it’s someone else’s turn, that’s why I can’t stir, that’s why I don’t feel a body on me, I’m not suffering enough yet, it’s not yet my turn, not suffering enough to be able to stir, to have a body, complete with head, to be able to understand, to have eyes to light the way

From Thomas' Jesus:

When you make the two one, and you make the inside as the outside and the outside as the inside and the above as the below, and if male and female become a single unity which lacks 'masculine' and 'feminine' action, when you grow eyes where eyes should be and hands where hands should be and feet where feet should stand and the true image in its proper place, then shall you enter heaven.

Tom's Jesus makes a particularly Gnostic habit of both insisting that the hidden will be revealed and demonstrating the impossibility of attaining a state where the hidden ever can be revealed. Contrary to C.S. Lewis, we will never have faces with which to gaze upon the lost divine and the mysteries that shaped us, and crucially, as Christ puts it, we would not be able to bear the sight of ourselves if we did.

We will never become the thing that's riding on our backs.

Jesus again:

The disciples ask Jesus, 'Tell us how our end shall be.' Jesus says, 'Have you found the beginning yet, you who ask after the end? For at the place where the beginning is, there shall be the end.'

The Unnameable:

I’ll recognise it, in the end I’ll recognise it, the story of the silence that he never left, that I should never have left, that I may never find again, that I may find again, then it will be he, it will be I, it will be the place, the silence, the end, the beginning, the beginning again, how can I say it, that’s all words, they’re all I have, and not many of them, the words fail, the voice fails, so be it

The final passage of The Unnameable, which often is hilariously shorn and misinterpreted as an inspirational quote about how if you don't succeed, try again:

all words, there’s nothing else, you must go on, that’s all I know, they’re going to stop, I know that well, I can feel it, they’re going to abandon me, it will be the silence, for a moment, a good few moments, or it will be mine, the lasting one, that didn’t last, that still lasts, it will be I, you must go on, I can't go on, you must go on. I’ll go on, you must say words, as long as there are any, until they find me, until they say me, strange pain, strange sin, you must go on, perhaps it’s done already, perhaps they have said me already, perhaps they have carried me to the threshold of my story, before the door that opens on my story, that would surprise me, if it opens, it will be I, it will be the silence, where I am, I don’t know. I’ll never know, in the silence you don’t know, you must go on, I can’t go on. I’ll go on. †

We bear this thing that's riding on our backs. We'll never get to where we're going, and the thing will never be born. If it was born, it'd be too terrible for us to bear. There's nothing riding on our backs.

It will never speak us into being.

We keep on calling out into the silence, we keep trying to explain or understand the thing that's riding on our backs, searching for a way to birth it before we die. Our words about the thing are crucial, and they're meaningless, and they're all we have, and they're nothing at all. We cannot name it and we cannot express it, but we cannot stop trying, and we will keep turning back to our words about the thing, obsessing over them, tearing them to pieces, putting them back together.

I'm fumbling at something I can't think or say, but fumbling is all we're capable of. There could be beauty and meaning and comfort in the fumbling, but it's also vain, and foolish, and pointless, and we're lying to ourselves about the beauty and the meaning and the comfort, and we're indulging ourselves pointlessly by going on and on about the pointlessness of it. Nothing can know what's going on. We will never get close enough to understand without being destroyed.

Thomas' Jesus again, warning those who seek to reveal what's hidden:

He who is near me is near the fire.

Riddley Walker, reflecting on the Punch puppet's inexplicable desire to cook and eat his own child:

Whyis Punch crookit? Why wil he al ways kill the baby if he can? Parbly I wont ever know its jus on me to think on it.

If you got to the end of this, congratulations: but the above is honestly the most appropriate patchwork of what I believe, what propels me, what I feel.

As for what comes after life, I think it's fairly straightforwardly a nothingness we are tragically incapable of fully knowing or accepting - it's Beckett's unimaginable and unattainable silence, a silence that his characters' voices keep on shattering even as they cry out for it.

-Jon‡

*I can't remember if Kafka makes prominent reference to Czech puppets in his work, which is interesting in its own right given the thematic relevance (the protagonist in The Hunger Artist is perhaps a kind of self-directing puppet show?).

However, Gustav Meyrink - who some unsourced Google quotes suggest was pals with Czech puppeteer Richard Teschner - did write a strange little story, The Man On The Bottle, about an audience watching a 'marionette show' who are too wrapped up in performances and masks to interpret the reality that they're actually watching a human being suffocate to death.

**Thomas Ligotti: "Something had happened. They did not know what it was, but they did know it as that which should not be.

Something would have to be done if they were to live with that which should not be.

This would not (be enough); it would only be the best they could do."

***Beckett's Malone Dies actually kicks off with a related sentiment:" I am in my mother’s room. It’s I who live there now. I don’t know how I got there...In any case I have her room. I sleep in her bed. I piss and shit in her pot. I have taken her place. I must resemble her more and more."

† I don't necessarily align myself in humour with Ligotti on a lot of this stuff but I imagine he would recognise both Beckett's writing and Kafka's frustrations re explaining the causes of his hatred for his father as sublimation: finding artistic and philosophical ways of sketching the inexpressible horror and uncertainty of our existence in order to reckon with it at a remove without destroying ourselves. A higher form of self-deception, but self-deception nevertheless.

‡Muna's more of an anarcho-nihilist, I think.

[spamsandsuch]

since i havent posted anything gaster related in, well, idk how long but its been a long time, i decided to prolly to give an update thats been in my au for awhile but i never actually posted abt it for some reason

so instead of two gasters now theres three. Rather than following the alternative gaster route it relates more to the shard theory now. Heres some concept art i drew recently

rough info under cut

One shard is “Aster” (first; renamed Aster because just calling him wingdings got kinda old and confusing)  and while he has a shard in their soul his body is a physical vessel part of the game (aka hes like a normal lightner that can interact w/ both light and dark world. I refrain from calling it the “real world” cuz the point of utdr is that its a game). He doesnt know this though and has no prior memories after “waking up” for the first time in the game, but they know something is up and thinks the dark worlds has something to do with it (hence why he is holding experiments relating to them). He sucks major ass though cuz he doesnt think of them or darkners as “real” and treats them as such bcuz he doesnt think their actions hold major consequences when interacting w/ darkners/darkworlds 

Second shard (middle) is currently unnamed (tho that may change) and is half physical and half part of the void (but how physical its body is fluctuates). He knows their reality is a game and is pretty content with that. He barely remembers his previous life but doesnt question it — he knows he just is, not what, why, or how. Because of that, he doesnt care what people call him because it doesnt matter much in the grand scheme of things. While knowledgable in many things, he also easily forgets things too as he sometimes has trouble recalling certain things. He also doesnt entirely understand emotions, but it knows he likes seeing or making living things happy so he is often kind to others. He is also well intentioned and genuine, but sometimes doesnt understand what may be good for others to hear. Because of this, he is willing to casually share with others the knowledge that the world is a game to the few people who know its existence, but doesnt recognize that this may be scary information to some. It is also the same gaster that convinced Jevil the world is a game.

Third one and last shard is also nameless (again, this may change) and completely part of the void—meaning, in the light and dark world he doesnt exist, but can still visit them. He cannot interact w/ anything, though, which he finds frustrating esp when observing the other two gasters. He has more memories of his previous life than the second gaster, but its still few as well as scattered—most of the time he cant make sense of them, which is also frustrating. His form is also never constant, but he struggles w/ coping with the inconsistency of his body so he tries to form like the other two gasters whenever he can to maintain his sense of self. He also knows the world is a game (for obvious reasons) but still recognizes that consequences that occur in the game have weight — whether negative or positive. As such, he has a stronger sense of judgement and morality when it comes to others but cannot act upon the majority of things because he barely exists — which is also something hes frustrated with; because he cant interact w/ the world, he concludes he’s incapable of guiding or helping others. The only other being he can actually communicate w/ is the second gaster, he later finds out though; as a result, he often sticks to hanging out with the second gaster for company and also because seeing Aster’s actions make him feel sick. Additionally, he feels a weird sense of kinship with lightners and darkners for some reason — but especially darkners. He sorta almost sees them as his children, but doesnt entirely know why. 

[tossball-stick]

heyy i saw your latest post about john's aromantic trutherism and i didn't exactly understand what you mean by that... could you explain? i too don't think he is actually in love with abigail if that's what you were saying...?

hiii!!! 1: thank you for asking about this im excited to write and analyze him in this way

2: plsplspls get the idea outta ur head that aromantic people cant love. noooo i couldnt have been misunderstood more. i wanna clarify that i do think john loves abigail. i just dont think that love is all that romantically motivated and ive got a few reasons to believe so.

3: uhhhh uhhh this ended up being like 2.5k words of analysis on john im sorry. no one on tumblr has asked me my thoughts about him before so this is the first time im talking about a lot of the stuff here and theres so much ive thought about johns character and its all messy and intertwined. itll be a little all over the place. i am deeply sorry.

okay. first reason? hes otherwise not much of a romantic. whether he wants to be or not, he falls flat on his face every attempt there is at being romantic with abigail (rarely do we see him be romantic with other women) is usually met with disdain, if there even are many to begin with. its rare to hear john say something pleasant about having a woman, and its rare to ever witness them having a good time together while in the gang. 

...up until the epilogue and john gets his shit together. but by that point i could argue further analysis as to how john isnt wholly himself by that point. hear me out.

john and arthur are two halves of one whole to me. its clear theres some sort of void in john after arthur dies, and he still holds the memory of arthur very very dear. he does his best to keep the memories alive, in fact, in a way to keep arthur alive. 

this starts extending to some kinda interesting parallels, though. writing and drawing in arthurs journal like he did, the hat being placed on johns head, john proposing with marys ring, the phrasing and tone of johns proposal is also shockingly familiar to arthur telling john that itd make him happy if john went to his family... after arthurs death, i find john taking on many of his traits even. he becomes more quiet and closed off, we see it even in rdr2 with arthur telking him to "knock it off with the whole being mysterious thing" or whatever. arthur claims its to act like dutch, but ill do you one better, its clearly just john idolizing his older brother and trying to be like him to be a proper man. this brings me to my next point...

the time period of rdr2!!! yayyy cowboys, the victorian era, Did u know. being a man was something you had to do in previous american and european cultures? this slowly started fading as we roll over into the 20th century, but there was a lot of emphasis placed on performing your role as a man. to be a good man, you must do xyz. otherwise, you are seen as immature, as a boy, as a child. 

throughout the entire series of red dead redemption, both 1 and 2, theres a lot of stuff pointing towards jogns struggle to Be A Man. arthur and dutch frequently refuse to let him grow up, still calling him "little john" and still treating him like hes a rowdy unruly boy that needs to learn better, not a man who should know better. hosea is the only man treating john like hes a man, and even then id say hes fairly lax with the guy. only as the story of rdr2 progresses do we see arthur start to shift his view towards john. not as a boy to stay a boy, because the gang isnt gonna be around forever. john cant keep being a boy. he needs to become a man, take care of his family. 

working off a distinctly gentleman influenced view of masculinity, johns inability to be a man is almost directly tied to his inability to be a proper romantic for his wife. compared to arthur, who is seen taken women on dates and flirting with them just to make them laugh at times. hes dancing with the ladies and helping them up and down the coaches, wagons, and horses. john like. just barely remembers to do that for abi in the epilogue. again, his failings to be a true romantic are tied with his failings as a man. 

in rdr1, this even extends to bill having the bit of dialogue, "you always were a scared little boy!" continuing to imply that john is not a man, hes never been a man. the only reason we can read him as a man Now is because we are going by arthurs definition of manhood. we can extend this further and say bill still views john as a boy because john does not live up to bills expectations of manhood- while arthur may view being a man as something chivalrous, more gentlemanly, bill clearly views masculinity as power and violence, without much to do with women. john does not live up to that, to bill, until the end.

if you read "masculinity" as "being romantic and chivalrous towards women", then, as john fails at being a romantic, he too fails at being a man. there are a lot of other ways john is immature and childish but this is a really easy one to point out if you know the time period and just how much emphasis was placed on both romanticism and manliness, and how they intertwined.

third reasoning for aro john: his family wasnt his for so much of his life. this one is another one that needs a bit of elaboration i fear.

the story of john and abigail getting together is simple enough. she joined the gang at 17 as a sex worker, slept around with some of the gang, then for one reason or another, very clearly believed that the pregnancy was johns. john runs away for a year.

in this time, we dont know a whole lot about what gang life was like without john. however, with arthurs comments about marrying abigail himself and loving her, and his close relationship with jack, i think its pretty clear arthur was the one being a man in johns place. when john left, there was a john shaped hole arthur had to fill. (i also like to think this because the potential misery of arthur having to lose his family a second time once john returns is fun to me.)

even in the story of rdr2, we see john Love and Care For his family, but its never in the same, romantic way arthur seems to involve himself in abi and jacks lives. john will defend them with his life, but when it actually comes to pulling himself up by his bootstraps and being a father or a husband, he kinda just drags his feet and gets lost. he has to be told to reunite with his family at jacks party, despite, in my eyes, his love for jack being very clearly displayed while they were looking for him. 

this is only bolstered by the conclusion of rdr2, with john and arthur on the mountain. arthur, in all his holy parallels, like jesus passing the virgin mary off to john the beloved, arthur tells john it would make him very happy if [john] went to be with his family and left. arthur is passing his family off onto john, the same as jesus passed his family onto saint john. (this one hits harder if you know the rest of the "arthur is jesus" parallels and symbolism but i feel like those would be more impactful as a web weave, and i cant make one right now haha. most obvious one i can think of to support this though is arthur being a scapegoat, dying for the gangs sins.) remember these points they are the most important and will come back later.

reason number four: "but javier-!" shhhhshshsh lemme talk. yes. john is infinitely more intimate with javier than abigail. however, again, we must take the time period into account.

not that far off from many disgusting redpill communities today, back in the 1800s it was typically expected for men to socialize with men and women with women. there was a certain level of bonding you only had with your wife, as well as a certain level of bonding you only had with the men who were close to you. 

i have got to grab this fandom by the shoulders and say rockstar did not make these men as affectionate as they should have been with each other, and thats completely platonically. this is taking romance out of the equation, these men considered each other brothers and family. they were all in a cult together. they would have been very close, and also very affectionate! they would confide in each other and hold each other and cry to each other. they would make gifts for each other and sing and dance together. you can at least see them all pass around beer bottles between each other.

do i think john and javier are closer than most? yes absolutely. do i think javier is in love with john in some way? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ehhh maybe. do i think john loves javier? yes absolutely. do i think its romantic? ....noo not really. their whole dynamic reads as one sided through and through to me. even if they ever got together im sure they were quickly apart again, and i doubt the relationship would have been fulfilling in the ways javier would want, leaving him longing still.

the "ive always loved you, even now" immediately funneling into a crate being shoved onto john to knock him over can also be metaphorical- javiers love is disarming to john Because he does not know how to react to it. hes never known how to react to it. hes never known how to react to love from anyone, because "love" seems to feel so much different for everyone but him.

reason ff. fiiiiive. dear god. im sorry for this being this long: john loves. he clearly loves very hard. he was clearly wrecked by arthurs death, he would clearly crawl through hell for his family, he was clearly hurt because his love for javier eventually stabbed him in the back. however, to me, a lot of this love feels similar to the love john has for dutch, or arthur, really. its familial, its platonic, it sure as hell isnt romantic. (even if the games themselves like to joke about it being so lol.)

its just clear to me that he loves. he cant not love jack and abi after everything hes done for them. he cant not love javier after being so close for so long. but in the same vein, he cant not love dutch for the same reasons. ysee what i mean? his devotion to his wife and child feels identical to the devotion to dutch, compared to arthur, whos devotion to eliza and isaac directly went against his devotion to dutch.

much like with dutch, where john was still seen as a boy, he will ferociously do the big things for his family (saving jack, defending the ranch, tackling gangsters and robbers). he will almost always fail to do the little things that would make him a true man, though. yknow. winding down, relaxing, just working, not getting involved in fights. spending some time with his family maybe. 

he can shape up and be good, he just never does. 

and i think thats why hes so torn between leaving on his own, leaving with his family, or staying with the gang. theres no difference between romantic, platonic, or familial love for him. when arthur tells him to go be with his family and john replies "youre my brother" its not only announcing arthur as family, but i think it only reinforces that blurred line of what love is for john. "i love you the same as them, why must i leave you behind? if they are family and i love them, then you too must be family, for i love you."

point six: i hope you remembered the first few points like i told you to. you did remember right

this brings us back around to john not being a man by not being a romantic, arthurs family being passed off to him, and also john not wholly being himself later on. in the epilogue, between 1899 and 1908, we hear about how john has been unable to avoid trouble and has them on the run still. whenever abigail asks something of him, he instead goes and does what he wants. its only after she leaves him (ultimate failure of being a man) do we see him start to shape himself up again, and i would argue this shaping up increases substantially after he reunites with charles. charles sets him on the right path and reawakens that memory of arthur. i imagine being close to blackwater also helps here. id argue due to charles' apparent closeness with arthur, and then sudden closeness to john due to john being all thats left of arthur... it makes john also feel like hes all thats left of arthur. i believe after speaking with charles and thinking to himself, he decides to fulfill the one dream arthur had, seemingly, at the end: take care of the family he had lost. well, eliza and isaac are six feet in the dirt so next best option: abi and jack. 

john starts to become quieter and more in his own shell- by rdr1 hes struggling to even really ask people for help with the most basic things. he becomes a lot more of a romantic speaker. he had always used fancy words with the gang, but never with charismatic purpose in the way i feel he does in rdr1. he starts making the decisions he thinks arthur would make. as a result, the hole that arthur left behind when he died, does not get filled by john. instead it simply gets filled with whatever arthur john can muster from within himself.

id also like to bring up john being the favorite, but not the golden boy. he was the youngest and most spoiled, but he was not the one dutch turned to for just about everything. he was still living in arthurs shadow, so i imagine all of that also plays a role in johns choice to live like arthur to get his family back, to be a man. he failed at being a man by his own merits. arthur was a real man by his own merits, lets just do what we've always done and look up to our older brother about it. copy what he does. clearly hes got it all figured out, even though you know he didnt, after reading the journal. 

this all is finally bolstered by john making the choice to kill micah and repeat the VDL cycle of violence, which ruins the perfect life he made for himself. he makes another decision HE, not arthur, HE would make, and thus has to deal with the consequences. 

in conclusion: i think john loves a lot and very hard. hes passionate about these people. but in his own words towards javier that start to become readable as projection, "hes a cynic that wants to be a romantic" and "hes all passion, no love ('no love' being how he perceives it, due to the views of those around him. he loves abigail and jack, he loved arthur, though because his version of love was different than theirs, its not read as love. therefore, he has none in his own eyes)." 

all of this coupled with a detached attachment style that leaves him cold and distant leaves him being tugged along in romances he truthfully does not feel the same about. he says he does, because he loves, but he doesnt know why the love isnt the same. so, clearly, since he loves, he must want the romance. he has to perform it for love regardless of if he truly does want romance or not. if he loves, he must be a romantic, and hes failing at being a romantic, so he cant be himself. he must be someone else in order to convey his love to his family.

i hope i got everything across alright ^-^ feel free to ask questions or send more asks ive got plenty more where that came from

[saffronstoats]

please read!

pinning this until i get info on if people would read it because I actually want to make it so bad... my profile will be back later

gang i have a rw au idea [ shocker ]

inv infection thang. inv starts appearing everywhere and eventually starts basically weirdmageddon. all the guys have to team up to beat it [ umm during the great migration because i want gourm and crew to have to like. have a cool scene idk i have a really cool thing planned in my head

all the scugs will be in it. yes, truly all of them: even both nightcat and inv. yes even survivor and monk's unnamed sibling. yes even monk and survivor's parents. yes literally every scug featured in gourmand's outro scene. and more

what do yall think and what should i call it

it may be invenot based but it's not a crappost

past the keep reading is more details. i lot more. i rambled whoops

inv is less "haha dating sim" and more "im gonna ruin your life :) in the funkiest way possible! *does a skateboard trick and opens a pocket dimension*" "*puts on shades and suddenly reality is distorted* heheha!"

inv closes off the void sea ( probably pre story events or hunter would have already ascended ) so hunter surv and monk all are just like having to team up. surv monk happy family scene and hunter saving them from an inv clone or domething. yk the cool one in zombie apocalypse movies

monk and survivor are basically kids. again this is migration. so hunter is like their stepdad [ genderneutral ]

hunter cycles ending ( trying to avoid spoilers ) is probably inevitable. they might be able to meet pebbles to get it extended but I still don't think hunter will make the entire thing because there's no way this thing is >25 cycles long. sorry hunter ( you will be missed dearly /gen )

thought it would be sick if arti appeared too so i had to. extend her lifespan. also shes huge like. 2x normal scug size

spearmaster is genetically modified to be a messenger for who knows how long suns intended it to be so thankfully i dont think it's as much as a stretch that they're alive

saint is an eldritch being so they could probably mess some stuff up too

dont really. see how in the world rivulet could fit timeline wise ill be honest. they are literally the only one left out. ill have inv bring them in through a pocket dimension or something because otherwise there would be no ruffles and that would be sad

forgot to mention this but having so many attack oriented slugs just being the main cast without being together doesnt make much sense. so spear and arti are a team but they dont really get along or talk to each other much and also theres no firecracker sorry guys

ill probably be generally avoiding ships in this comic besides maybe some like enot shenanigans?? but i don't think ill really do much of that either because this isnt romance this is a bunch of rodents fighting a choatic rodent glitch god

the iterators exist too. tell me whether you want them off the strings or not. ill give you examples of what happens on either side starring suns

off strings: spearmaster and suns are the duo of all time and artificier is there too. she dragged pebbles along but he doesnt want to be any part of this

on strings: suns videocalls spearmaster a lot and cheers whenever they make a slight achievement

nightcat/watcher is probably gonna be part of the colony. theyre the scout

moon and sig will also definely be there, potentially innocence and wind too if yall want them. also maybe more itties idk. we'll see

rip sliver. because its your average timeline mostly sliver is dead ( rip )

all of the iterators if off the strings are actually terrible at combat and they cannot parkour so that would allow some funny moments. funny pebbles cannot jump to save his life or encouraging wholesome suns which do yall prefer

i find it funny how half the scugs are the cool one and then theres survivor monk riv and watcher. and then theres the iterators who are even more pathetic [ silly ]

sofanthiel's nickname will constantly change highlighting their chaotic nature. one panel they're enot then they're inv then they're paincat then they're sofanthiel then they're gorbo then they're blueberrycat- you get it

actually ill use a random number generator every time their name pops up. this is minimal priority but suggest enot nicknames.

current ones are: enot, inv, sofanthiel, paincat, thanksandrew, thanks andrew ( with a space ), gorbo, blueberrycat, ???, invenot ( one word )

if i make it i'll turn on scheduled posting for it and make sure to actually like. link throughout on like next previous first. if I have anything to say or elaborate ill post it in the comments

it would also be in a genuine artstyle instead of my little 10 minute lineless thangs. id line it and give backgrounds and stuff except maybe on April fools day

anyways yeah, what do yall think?

again what do i name it because i want to call it something cooler than enotpocalypse

[lizaluvsthis]

Hear me out. Dont shut me pls-

A song called Diamonds by Rihanna

That shows three and four's life along the way

(Ever since memewarps then to wotfi and then transitioning that part where three holds four up to where SMG3 has that photo from his phone and switching it to igbp.

After those moments about forced hand holding, the diary, wotfi 2023, other stuff- the whole crew including three has met PuzzleVision

So like- heres the thing. After every other crew whose been badly beaten up- the only way to make puzzlevision disappear is using a power that is strong enough to be permanently erasing any other shit when ya activate it.

And um- I'm putting up a quick fluff and all half of angsts in here.)

When puzlevision is caught on place- he instantly grabs three's foot to also include him down on with the void.

Four doesn't lose grip on three, but after a second. Three pushes him away. With a final words of goodbye.

"You'll always be part of me..."

Four couldnt hold it- did three just did that to save everyone?

This erasure could permanently remove the memories and mostly the existance or that history of the person or an object you just knew. And there wont be any other way or wont ever be turnin back.

And ever since three knew four is a journey and everything to him- he felt it to himself that

'i dont deserve him and he doesnt deserve me.'

'He'll live on the happiest life without me...'

'Dont turn back on me ever.'

'I'll always be the bad guy that you see'

Then the whole thing after it hits puzzlevision and three out- the whole memories about three being with him disappears.

Taking back where four introduced himself to three, three disappears replacing random students who felt entertained by his company.

Or when Four checks up on three after graduation on memewarps, where three originally left without any other words. Then turning to a memory where people gradually cheers on Smg4 with him not getting worried about anything.

A part where Three met four to steal his video, three disappears but replacing it to a random meme character whove been wanting to steal his videos.

That wotfi 2020? Nah. That doesnt exist. They live in peace.

Igbp? Nope. Theres just him with mario and the whole crew still having the peachs castle workin

Wotfi 2023? (Does exist right after mario steals four's NOTEBOOK. And he goes with it alone) marty doesnt exist here. Mario just wanted to SEE :)) (shocking he knows how to read- AHHH)

With three's exsistance not existing at all- Four would be all alone. But even tho he's been in the top mow and everything- He never felt so- this alone.

This dude felt like something is missing... something that inside of him feels empty- he felt like he couldnt experience much as fun and happiness could be without one thing- (cosmically linked- but the string is cut and is unbeyond to prepare after losing a partner.)

Just a certain feeling still males him wonder still.

(If ya wonder how zero would have appeared- he doesnt.)

Three smiled at four while he disappears pixel by pixel, as four cries at his partner. Memories with three slowly disappears with the flashes on his eyes.

"NO. STOP! I- I DONT WANT TO FORGET YOU! I..."

"PLEASE DONT- STOP!"

"SMG..." four wanted to cry, pour his heart out because of this.

With fast blinks, he opened his eyes back again with a clueless look. "Why was I crying? Bah- oh well-"

-

-

-

"If we already have SMG1 and SMG2 and I'm the fourth- then... who's the third...???"

[DONT PUT ME TO JAIL-]

[maochira]

HIIII im back!!

Sooooo... im a person who struggles with crying like- i can't whether i wanted to or not.

SOOO when im stressed i can't even cry to feel better ( cuz crying can release tension and stuff ) and generally im (kinda?) depressed in a sense where i feel numb, lonely and like theres a void in my chest.

( above is for example and kind of a vent😅 )

Basically, the request is coaches as dad listening to your feelings or thoughts abt feeling empty and (MAYBE??) wanting reader to see a psychiatrist/therapist?

Hi! I think I know very much what you feel like regarding the emptiness :'] (except that I cry a lot and very easily and my emptiness often comes with a pressure in my chest.) But please remember I usually don't like people venting in my inbox. I'm okay with this one tho because it connects to a comfort request so I see it more as an explanation than a vent <3 (but I don't want to encourage others to vent to me more in the future.)

Characters: Noa, Chris

Tags: gn!coach's child!reader, reader is a teenager, comfort

Noel Noa

-even though you haven't told him until now, he has noticed something's been off about you for a while

-he didn't think it was something serious because you inherited a big part of his personality regarding being rather cold

-so when you tell him about it, he's a little shocked to find out how bad you've been feeling lately and he feels guilty for not noticing it earlier

-he sits there for hours to let you talk about everything that's on your mind, but he realizes he can't help you enough

-so he decides to try to find a therapist for you. He knows waiting lists can be long, so on the next day he calls and writes emails to every therapist in the area and lets you be put on the waiting list

-and while you're waiting, Noa makes sure you know you can always talk to him. He also tries to be less cold so you can feel more comfortable about sharing your problems

Chris Prince

-he quickly noticed when you started to feel worse, but he decided to wait a bit just in case it gets better on its own

-he trusts you to talk to him as soon as you feel too bad, so to not pressure you, he doesn't ask you about it

-but he realizes you're only getting worse and still not telling him about anything, so he thinks you might be too afraid to open up

-Chris decides he has to be the one who approaches you about this, so he calmly asks you to be honest about how you've been feeling lately and he wants you to let him know as much as possible so he can help

-but the more you tell him about how you feel, the more he realizes you need professional help. So he asks if you want that and obviously you day yes

-Chris helps you to find a good therapist who is helpful to you. He always reassures you if you don't fully click with a therapist, you need to tell him so he can look for a new one

Taglist (sign-up link): @kaineedstherapy12 @zyuuuu @luvcalico @truegoist @vanitasbrainrot @toruden @mafuyudonutt @weichspuelertrinker @acacIa @chaosinanutshell @kermitslefteyeball11 @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @https-archangel @depressed-bitchy-demon @kaiserkisser @userwithlotsoftime @yellowelectroslime @0rah-s @deerangle3

[narwhalandchill]

(soo ignition teaser thoughts ig)

hmmmm im ngl the trailer itself as a like prelude to what is coming in 5.0 intrigue and plot wise is like. compared to the region teasers that came before w lazzo and overture. its just. its kinda bad im sorry KWKJKWDJKWDJK like okay cool seeing the new cast and production value is high as always (+ music) but its such a middling teaser for the story itself?? it feels like a powerpoint presentation of the cast more than anything narratively coherent with an inherent draw and mystery

like theres mavuika speaking to the flame thingy (xbalanque that u? "one entombed in the primal fire" perhaps????) with some intrigue i suppose as well as her brief thing w capitano. ororon also appearing to be working together or aligned with capitano given theyre standing together there which could make for an interesting plot thread but beyond that its very.... eh. its not giving us a lot to grip onto ya know???? and thats rly a shame especially since i also felt that way abt the teaser in the 4.8 livestream. i wish we got more

and sure theres a tournament wahoo but like. its really Not helping to hype up that thing when half the introduced cast isnt being like "OMG the tournament!!!!1!1 this is HUGE!!!1" (or even. "oh no this is BAD!!!1" to set up basic conflict. like why would they dread it?) but instead just. "oh right... the tournament 🙄🙄" like who thought that was a good idea 😭😭 if the PEOPLE of natlan dgaf abt the big plot event happening then how am i as the viewer supposed to feel majorly invested in it . wow theyre tossing a ball around . wow nobody wants it guess ur tournament is having a bit of a PR issue in the making mavuika lmao

anyway i wouldnt even call myself a true capitano glazer despite being a fatuiHQ enjoyer on the side but like. that hmph still carried welcome capHIMpeaktano truly o7 JWDJWDJKDWJK also did yall see the. anemo-ish turquoise flare when mavuika is confronting (?) him? wonder if thats a thing with her flames or is it implying cap as anemo or sth.... i think itd fit him decent enough but ya. looking forward to HIM for sure

(+ congrats to him for losing the goofy timbs from arles animated short lmao like his design looks so fucking sick now)

character design wise uhhhh. well theres the obvious huge fucking issue here and while id say that hoyo p much already showed their true colors on the matter with sumeru that doesnt rly. make it any less disappointing and egregious wrt all the cultures and peoples theyre So willing to gather inspiration from in all possible aspects Other than the diversity of the people themselves. like its just... bad and such a shame but also not very surprising unfortunately.

(and really it just. looks especially bad given they clearly Can put melanin on people its just... enemy mobs only.)

beyond that i kind of dont have anyone that super catches my eye rn??? mainly because . well leaks moment eek but its basically official info now so basically. xilonens existence as a geo and a 5* (which like . u dont need leaks to guess she will be im sorry jdwjdw) was leaked a bit ago as well as the patch she should appear meaning. im actually in chiori rerun savings mode since its very high chance that she will be back w xilonen if anyone. so thats my plan for now kjdwjkdwjkdwjk

in terms of the actual cast i do like kinich and ororons designs v much, the design motifs of the latter especially are interesting bc those eye-like patterns are almost giving quantum symbol (= black hole imagery) to me???? and thats V interesting especially if hes actually working w capitano and the fatui. now him being a cat boy or whatever animals ears those turn out to be isnt like sth thats huge for Me personally but i do think hes valid and also W for anyone whos into that, congrats guys im happy for u ! but like fr itd be such an insane twist if hoyos Finally introducing the void quantum abyss whatever element w him (and maybe cap too.) bc that symbol Rly is looking Curious. or then hes just electro lol. for kinich its like. yeah fair he might be xiao-tighnari-gaming from minecraft ill admit that but. i do like the color scheme and his outfit a lot JKWJKDJKDWJKD so like i forgive it

w the girlies i overall find them all like. quite nice but so far without any personality + lore known its hard to settle my complete thoughts on them just yet. tho citlali being pink is super refreshing for genshin since we do have a shocking absence of it so like shes definitely one im drawn to, chasca looks interesting and like she could play a bigger part plot wise (maybe?) so that might be neat. both her and citlali being cryo is kinda surprising?? but cool. maybe ill get to unbench my shenhe and play some cryo teams again lmao freeze has been dead in abyss for so long now....

xilonen again w the kemomimi isnt sth im particularly into or not into but she looks cool, depending on personality and how her kit synergies turn out (+ assuming the chiori rerun, the fate of those pulls too), i might try for her as well? theres an Energy to her i like it. if she has proper Attitude and flair thats gonna be a massive bonus for me

mualani i think is rather bland to me, sth about her outfit and design just doesnt click for me even if the shark thing from the teaser before is neat and everything. the chibis are never sth im actively drawn to but like both do look okay, im kinda hoping kachina could be a lynette moment for 5.x and end up a free 4* since her exploration roomba looks p fun

anyway then theres. mavuika and i. well at least the design wasnt. That concept art one (ThoseWhoKnow...) . so instant massive W improvement solely on that basis holy fucking shit but ehhhhh im sorry i still dont know how to feel abt the very modern like. biker bodysuit thingy. im not a huge fan of the bodysuit type designs anyway so its not that surprising but still. her eyes + hair is absolutely stunning tho like not a question at all.

tbh in a way i kinda feel like having too many Thoughts on her design is kinda just unnecessary bc like. shes the archon. of Course the kit is going to be insane so i will get her anyway (UNLESS a pyro onfielder JKWJKJKWJKWJKWFKJ like god please no). and in terms of like is her design and energy from what this vid is giving us good enough that i wont like. Actively resent having to get her for meta and strong teams??? Absolutely. so in that sense ig its all cool lmao

but yeah. idk i just think as a teaser for the upcoming story its rly a shame how weak this felt for me???? like sure overture ended up being a bit of a misleading teaser since it gave the impression of arle as this mastermind of the fontaine AQ which didnt rly happen but it still served as a source of hype and intrigue. and yes lazzo is sth that can Never rly be beat in terms of how out of nowhere it was and how fucking insane the whole harbinger reveal went (+ elogia cinerosa existing) for lore and long term hype but its just. unfortunately those 2 are the regional teasers this natlan one is supposedly meant to parallel and it just didnt deliver anything comparable to those for me

like still looking forward to natlan and seeing the rest of its cast (like im fairly convinced the flame thingy might be xbalanque and hes gonna be a big deal ultimately or sth) and where it goes and all its environments but this trailer didnt rly. grip me the way i wouldve expected it to. which is unfortunate kdjkdwjkwjkdwj but yea thats all

[fluxedbuds]

apparently y'all Are desperate enough for my Lomadia Oc so uh. hope you're in the mood for [checks notes] ~13 paragraphs, half of which is just description!

allow me to introduce Villom!

She doesn't have an actual name or in-universe nickname, I just call her Villom. Because she was originally a Villain Version of Lomadia from a sci-fi world for some comic idea I totally scrapped bc it sucked. Except for Villom!

So basically what if we put Lomadia in space and gave her every problem and no normal coping mechanisms

The base universe is Completely Impossible sci-fi space stuff, involving solar systems being relatively close together and having tons of habitable planets, with star trek 'convergent evolution' making everybody a Weird Human Basically. Part of these choices is that I. Don't actually like sci-fi lol. I don't think its bad I just can't Get Into It, so I did the lazy version. HOWEVER I do also use the fact that its extremely artificial and story-focused as part of the plot so its FINE There IS also magic, but it’s generally less used, as tech is more accessible and less complicated from a user standpoint. That doesn’t mean it isn’t powerful, if you know what to look for. Thats foreshadowing!

Compared to base Lomadia, Villom is.. very immature. She has trouble identifying and controlling emotions, she's quick to anger and holds grudges. She's also more impulsive and tends towards insults and crude jokes. She's actually pretty fun to hang out with as a result, but responsibility is a role she's crushed into, and it never truly fits. She's trying her best ok

Villom starts out her story as a young adult, training to be a pilot. She does some hero shit, but breaks so many rules in the process and gets kicked out. She’s enraged by this betrayal of what was supposed to be her life, and steals a ship to go rogue and try to pursue her dreams anyways. She doesn’t exactly know what she’s doing, though, and eventually a chase causes her to crash on an unfamiliar planet, where she meets Rythian. He’s steampunk now, don’t question it

Anyways, they end up teaming up, and form the first of her crew. Later additions are Martyn, who is a mouse guy who has So Fucking Many People Who Want Him Dead, and Zoeya! Who ended up separated from Fionn following partially the plot of Mushbury, and works as the ship’s engineer. Their ship (that lasts long enough to get a name…) is called the Ask, and Villom occasionally (and jokingly) calls her crew the Answers. (Its called the Ask because originally I gave the characters nicknames based on Norse mythology for Pretentious Reasons, those might come back later)

So everything’s all fine and poggers for a while, with the Ask’s crew causing mischief and undercutting evil empires across the worlds- and then Villom’s home planet is destroyed. And she sees it happen.

See, one of the tropes of sci-fi that bugs me, is how understated the death of an entire planet tends to go. This is the first step of Villom realizing how truly fucked up the world they live in is- and the first step of her wondering why it has to be this way, and how to stop it.

It only gets worse from here.

No matter how many evil empires they topple, no matter how many massive threats they thwart, there’s always another one. And no matter how fast they are, they can’t stop every world-ending crisis. Villom starts learning magic, wondering if theres some kind of solution there. When she doesn’t find one, she just looks harder. Brushing so close with forces she’s alone in experiencing wears on her, compounding with their futile mission.

The breaking point is when Rythian dies. Raiding an enemy ship goes wrong, they’re outnumbered, they’re trying to retreat. Surrenders are not accepted, there.

It’s another thing she sees happen, another thing she was inches away from but unable to stop. And she can’t take it. She can’t take losing another part of her, another of the few things she could call home in this cold void.

She takes some of the things she learned looking where she shouldn’t- and kills the nearest member of the enemy team, trading a life for a life. And part of her soul as tax, of course. Just a small bit, this time. She never tells him. Pretends it was instead an incredibly close call. He probably knows she’s lying, on some level, but he never says it.

Villom is desperate, now. There’s more and more things she’s hiding from her crew, more and more boundaries of safety she’s pushing. She trades one of her eyes for the ability to see the functions of the world itself- maybe it’s a mistake, there’s some gear stuck, and if she fixes it this infinite loop of wars will stop.

There is no mistake. This is how the universe is intended to function.

She can’t give up. Because if she stops, she’s never going to get up again.

Maybe there’s other worlds where it’s better, where it’s safe. Maybe there’s a way to make this world like them.

Maybe there’s a way to leave.

She’s barely human anymore, even though she looks perfectly fine. Her hair is white, her eye replaced, but that’s all. She’s replaced the things she’s traded away. She’s barely even a part of the world, anymore. Unstuck from the threads of it, floating as a constant point, unchanging and undying, snapping back into place when moved.

A lot of universes are visited by a strange woman with white hair, who never stays. Sometimes she’s a savior, or a tyrant, or merely another passerby.

One of them, somewhere, has to have an answer. The way to break the cycle. And Villom will find it- even if she has to take every one of them apart.

[visionthefox]

What do you think of the new therapy episode? I agree with several of the comments that maybe the reason Sun never got close with Solar was because he's become anti-social due to everything that happened to him, and he might expect any new friend to mistreat him(like Monty or the Glamrocks), or that they'd get killed(like what ended up happening to Solar), which doesn't help his isolation issues, could it be possible that another reason could be that Solar is an Eclipse and on some level Sun's at least a bit unnerved by Eclipses? Or it just could be that he never hung out as much like he said in the session, though I wonder if Solar's death is affecting him more than he lets on considering his reaction when it happened and how he's still thinking about how abrupt it was, the shock of it Him acknowledging that he has no idea how to move on from anything that's happened to him and that he needs to start letting himself feel rather than bottling stuff up was great, first step for actually processing all the stuff that's happened in the last two years at least, it's a long way to go still but it was said! Him also admitting that he and Moon aren't alone anymore and he's not used to support was also nice Them talking about the drinking thing was also something, we haven't actually seen Sun even tipsy have we? Meanwhile Monty's gotten drunk before and even Moon got tipsy once Earth offering to try tea alternatives with him was cute, maybe then he won't drink coffee before bed and get weird dreams again While it's good that Sun was taking a breather at the house for a mental break was good, it did feel like it wasn't wholly positive, both because of the sidelining and the isolation that really wouldn't do anybody any good, he already doesn't have many friends and spending hours alone at his house and his family doesn't really check on him or call him felt...Off, but hopefully like they said here he'll be getting more involved now Let Sun be smart! He is smart! They definitely need to talk with Moon he's working himself ragged trying to revive Solar(and doing it the wrong way) Now Sun wondering if he and Moon separating was a bad thing was interesting, technically he's right in that a lot of what's happened in the show(mainly Eclipse, Bloodmoon, and everyone else after being created) was because of that, but at the same time both were suffering badly, Moon was trapped in a sensory-deprived void and the times when he was let out he hurt Sun and/or other people because of KC, and Sun had to deal with the pain, the aftermath, and threats from Moon, both were in a bad way, so while everything happened because of the separation, they couldn't have known, and they needed to be free to move forwards There was a lot of stuff to talk about, though I personally felt like there was more that ended up being unaddressed, but who knows, there was still a lot! What do you think?

ok- had to get a look at the ep- I may be bias and feel like Sun lied the whole time with his soft spoke "yea" but ok, vision shuh ANON! I do agree on the fact he is not used to actually be with others animtronics, other people thats not work related, he doesnt have friends! no one ok, fam can be friends but is not the same, to just hang out with a bestie or chat all day of other stuffs thats not work related, I do feel he pretty much lock himself in a golden cage, with stuffs to keep him distracted but always looking over those who do have the things he wished.. so suddently theres a new guy, everyone saw him as a new friend, yet Sun just coudnt bring himself to make any connection, if you saw Freddy's channel, he even refuse to meet new people! is clear he rather be "left alone" - and I guess is because he is just unsure and worried to mess up- than deal with someone else .. I myself im someone who never talks to other friends, if only to wish good days.. so is soooo stressfull to start over a new relationship, Sun is been used to be alone, he cant just be a social AI suddently.. I dont think it was only because he was an eclipse, Sun himself doenst seem scared of Copy Eclipse! but I think it was because Solar himself didnt walked to him and tried to get to know him. (we can assume the guilt didnt let him be friends with yet another sun!) So yea, Sun didnt knew exacly how to be close to someone else .. he spends most days alone, is hard to try to connect with someone that is already looking away from you.. then suddently, another death, I guess his shock is due to how.. similar? this situation is ot OldMoon death. he tried to- but was too late, the emotions are similar- I guess is why he cant just move on just yet- too much to unlock- he now carry both the guilt of "I didnt do enough" and the "I didnt even knew him that well to suffer like others do" since he does say it, he feels like he's not as sad as the others and that bother him.. also yea, he is been in the side of this all, and I guess thats why he feels less and sad too..in a way, yes. the fans asked for him to get a break. get him a safe place- but again this safe place end up being a Golden Cage, not the solution the character needed. Im a og, I still recalled the momen Sun asked US, if he was useless, if he was really just a waste of time and space, and I dont think being literally in the seat while all your family is out there living life is helping that feeling. also I dont recall the ep- but I have this video with all the audio of the show (also is soo cool) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdthgIorNzI he got a support group, ok nice, yet there people stared out as strangers that didnt had the best entrance to his life, plus, those people dont come to him often, HE was to come, and may feel like a bit sad to think "they only come to me when they need me, if im not needed, im left alone" yet he knows better- but logic and feelings dont always go together.. I guess is why he drinks too, to feel someting else than stress and sadness, he did try to be better, look after himelf - if Im not needed, nor I help, I better step away- but he end up being too away.. only to know from gossip and rumors whats up But still now, he steps in to help only because he knows better now, Moon's dont just rest until they reach their goal, is stuffs happening all over again.. I can only hope this "therapy" and Sun maybe , just maybe hoping to be usefull can resul on the Sun and Moon show to be,, about SUN AND MOON together.. did I made sense anon? sorry if I didnt. anyways! LOVE YOUR IDEAS TOO ANON!!

[dykevotions]

throws potion of infodump about ocs on you and runs away

RAUHHHH OKAY!!! USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO TALK ABOUT THE MCRP DISEASE!!!! SPOILERS FOR APPLECRAFTERS AND BEASTS AHEAD. I GUESS

okaaayyyy so. first of all. not a spoilered characters. heres angelic and jacket. love them both so dearly.

they are QUEER!!!!!!!!!!! and a bit SILLY!!!!!!! their jobs are hanging out in my single player world and eventually going to hell (blood ocean) thats right baybe . the blood ocean is REAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyways these guys are mainly . not even doomed yuri theyr just hanging out. i love them so muchhhh ^_^ guys who are hopelessly in love and make it everyone elses problem forever n ever

heres sltom. i have so many. i cant explain everything going on with her if i was given years. its literally so important to me. got put in a death game, died, came back to be put in another death game, died, forced to walk an abandoned world. theres so much happening with xem im gonna throw up. i made two webweaves for zem which. r very good. dog with blood around its mouth. she did all that shit but FAE DESERVED TO!!!!!!!! FOR THE RECORD!!!! god. i gotta explain whats wrong w vamp one of these days

heres sleepy!!! go to pvp guy. this is essentially "what if there was a guy who kind of sucked at fighting but did it a lot for fun" . not a lot to xem but xey are SOOOO silly. xey are kind of mean 2 xer friends . xey dont mean it though. well sometimes xey do

FRUITBAT!!! one of two of my animals in separate timeloops. working w their best friend (heyyyyyyy lav :3) to restore a ancient city that seems. oddly frozen. sculk freak (just likes it. a lot.) nerd ass guy. BAT HYBRID ASWELL I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT they love flying and doing stupid shit. divebombs people to say hi. love them so much. oh also in their timeloop theres regenerating skeletons that are growing meat but thats okay and normal!!!

this is dogboyyyy . theres not a lot to him. BUT. guy who lives in the nether. literally just a good person. comma. also gives like everything he earns to other people. for fun. hes silly and also stupid disease. holding him in my hands so gently

BUNNY!! OR SAT. LEAGUE TOM ! guy with a literal lunatic on its shoulder. made a conlang for it yesterday. can only communicate via animal crossing sounds (nonverbal autistic win!) and their conlang on signs.

the conlang as it stands rn. btw. they are so interesting. they have had like 2 mental breakdowns already because they were trying to communicate with people and they couldnt understand them. love this animal. holding it by the scruff. this guy wants to kill people so bad

SHEEPBOY !!!!!! OR FRI. LEAGUE TOM !! this is his second death game she did really well in the first one. they genuinely enjoy being in death games its like a sport to them. this is their american football . id call them nice most of the time however when they go red it gets. a bit insane. but thats normal for being bloodthirsty i think!!

this is f , or ftom, or whatever u wanna call them . they r worldbound BUT they r a hub world player so basically they just get to hang out. mostly in hypixel but sometimes the worldhoppers they know drag them around to other places which is fun fun fun !!!!!

this is yuri . bug in a timeloop !!!! it is. oh my god i love them SOOO MUCH. it is constantly digging this huge tunnel system which they live in and also. refuses to believe they are in a timeloop. it just "has memory problems and its just a STUPID prank. probably" . it is in fact a timeloop for the record.

OKAY THATS THE MC GUYS I CAN THINK OF FOR NOW ..... WALKS OFF INTO THE VOID

[dreamy-sucide-pact]

rambling

just to preface; the dahmer series on netflix is awful and should never have been made

unfortunately i was led to watch it when it came out (not knowing the ethical concerns surrounding it to a large extent) on a piracy website and while it's genuinely very problematic and immoral piece of media to create i feel so close to it.

theres something strangely comforting watching something so real and awful and knowing that this was a real person who had rationale and a decent understanding of morality. its relatable; the feeling of somehow knowing you are unable to love correctly or be loved (in fact, i wouldnt call it love at all) and all for a lack of empathy and understanding. there's an understanding, but it's objective and void of emotional value, and this drives you to commit things that only a daemon would- and you know this, but do it anyway. it does not grip your heart with guilt, and yet you know "for what i did i should be dead". to some point, you are so unable of love that even pretending it happening and directly hurting the one you supposedly love is the only thing you can do to feel that- and you become numb and distant. there isnt a guilt or genuine anxiety coming from this hurt, but a stimming feeling of fear of getting caught, rooting from the objective knowing of committing something immoral.

this isnt really about the series but rather the mental process of the person himself- but i feel that it really humanised him and that was one of the flaws of the creation of the movie- or not, i guess it depends how you look at it. i think even serial killers deserve to be humanised, in a way it's the best and only prerogative to finally understand their motives and stop any future violent crimes. for me, i think i finally realised the extent of my lack of empathy and saw myself in him; and then the impacts of his awful actions on everyone else around him, and it actually helped me get better. by 'get better' my empathy hasn't really changed, but in an objective lens i can sort of see how the implications are also awful, and others' perception of what he did. that there are other, genuine and real ways to love.

it makes me a bit confused when people dehumanise people like this, because understanding mental health is important for everybody. it's difficult when a large portion of people are shunned and discredited humanity for (in the very basic sense) having little empathy. many people can have little empathy. they're still human. their actions can and should be judged, but silencing their motives will only make things worse, i think

[nintendont2502]

thinking about heirstuck again and im making it everyones problem (more thoughts + image transcripts under the cut:)

[Image ID: a series of discord messages from discord user 'new nintendont ds(i). the messages read:

okay actually im gonna rant abt it in here for a while youve been arned *warned okay so its like. u got two kingdoms yeah. derse and prospit we all know this this is like the most basic generic homestuck fantasy au you can get each kingdom has the same succession structure where there are two thrones - the king and the queen. the rulers of the kingdom are chosen from the royal family, who for the most part just live as normal people in the kingdom (they dont even have the royal names), although most of them do know that they have royal blood (it means basically nothing, though) the only way for someone to ascend to the throne is to display magic, which usually happens in their teenage years - legends dictate that only the royal family is blessed with the capability for magic and only those deemed worthy of the crown will ever 'earn' that magic and display it, at which time theyre taken off to the castle to become heirs both kingdoms do the same thing where they have the two thrones - one male, and one female. this means the king and queen arent married (since theyre. yk. related), and anyone they do marry won't have a royal title. theyre just kinda there yk each throne also has its own traditional last name that the ruler and heir to the throne take - in derse, all kings or male heirs are striders, and all queens or female heirs are lalondes, while in prospit all males are egberts all females are harleys derses a little different when it comes to heirs - traditionally, once theyre found, theyre hidden away from te public all together until its time for them to take the throne. thats mostly bc derse has an unfortunate habit of uh. killing their heirs! theyve mostly calmed down now (mostly) but old traditions die hard yk derses honestly the most chill rn compared to prospit so im gonna start with them bc prospit just has. so fucking much going on

so you got the king and queen - dirk strider and roxy lalonde, prince of heart and rogue of void (classpects function differently here in that theyre only loosely tied to the royals powers, and are instead more a ceremonial title (and in derses case an old holdover from when they had to keep the heirs identities secret) and can represent how the people feel about their rulers, or can even contain veiled hints about their futures thanks to some seer bullshit im still workshopping it) - dirk is prince of heart because hes. yk. the prince of their hearts. the old king seemed very attatched to him even if they never met and that kinda rubbed off on the people. roxys title is more mysterious and no ones really sure what it means (including her), but its probably finee right the old king and queen were actually their respective parents! which is cool until you realise they both presented their powers fairly young and so had to be completely hidden away from them (even before that, their contact with their parents was limited bc of the whole secrecy safety of themand the throne thing yk). so that sucks. l bozo the old royals actually both died on the same exact day as the prospitian royals which only made tensions worse (oh yeah theyre at war. did i mention that. theyre at war the entire time) and then you got the heirs! rose lalonde, heir to the dersite throne - she manifested her powers through a vision that predicted an attack on the kingdom, whcih is also how she earned her title. shes heir apparent to the dersite throne and then theres dave. dave… doesnt actually have any powers? despite constant brutal training from his father (who was lowkey upset he never got called up to the throne), he's never manifested any magical abilites, and really shouldnt be here at all. he only went with rose to the castle because hes basically her unofficial guard (and also he just wanted to get away from his dad), and rose 'conveniently' happened to have another vision while at the castle of dave totally manfiesting powers eventually. did dirk and roxy believe that? probably not! but fuck if they were just going to turn the kids away yk - especially after rose vaguely implied that if dave left she was going with him. dave is the heir presumptive to the dersite throne, and the knight of time, referencing both his status as rose's guard and a (maybe slightly cruel) reference to how theyre waiting for his supposed powers to manifest and then prospit. sure is a place theyre a fucking mess dude

okay so old king and queen. you got king egbert who was… nice but kinda just there yk. no one really cared too much either way about him and then queen crocker! she was adopted when she was a baby, and so never knew that she was part of the royal bloodline - when she manifested her powers and took the throne, she refused to give up her last name, claiming it was an important part of her. this was… divisive, but she was a pretty good queen! people really liked her eventually, and her work in attempting to defuse the war was admirable. when she and king egbert died (on the same day and time as those filthy dersite royals, in a meeting she helmed to call for a ceasefire), the kigndom damn near rioted and marched on prospit themselves. the heirs to the throne really liked her too! shed spend hours telling them stories and having private training meetings with jane to fully prepare her for taking the throne - almost as if shed known what would happen speaking of jane and jake - wow theyre fucking messes! jane did the same thing as the former queen, and took the name Jane Crocker, instead of the traditional Jane Harley, to honour her. this was just as divisive, but with the kigndoms on the brink of allout war, the people didnt really have much time to focus on that. and if jane seemed to act… differently once she took the throne, well - that was probably just the stresses of ruling, right? especially at such an intense time. shes probably fine :) yk who isnt fine? jake! because of course he fucking isnt when he took the throne and became king jake egbert, page of hope, he was seen as the. well. hope that the kingdom needed at such a dark time - surely he would be the one to lead the kingdom away from war and into the light, right? …right? haha nope. instead one day he just completely disappeared, and rumour has it hes leading a cult on the outskirts between the two kingdoms, recruiting people from both - although if you ask the prospitian royals, theyd completely deny that (and if you ask jake, hed also deny that, and then ask if you want to join his totally-not-a-cult) great job guys and then the heirs are just. theyre going through it man jade harley, witch of space, heir apparent to the prospitian throne is. shes fine. shes so so so fine, and shes not at all worried about jane and jake and john, and not at all terrified that the kingdom is veering ever closer to war and she cant do anything ot stop it. shes great! shes fantastic and then john is. he sure is! heir of breath, heir ascending to the prospititian throne - any day now, he'll have to ascend and become John Egbert, king of prospit and he just. he really doesnt want to do that. hell, half the time he isnt even in the castle itself - he has no goddamn clue why, but something about it just feels wrong (spoiler alert - its gender. that girl is trans as hell). anyway hey remember the og queen crocker. man she was cool. crazy how her heirs kinda respectively lost it after she died (along with every other ruling noble in both kingdoms at t he exact same time). man that sucks. too bad shes not around! …yeah shes the condesce disguise time baybeeee

her whole thing was trying to drive the human kingdoms to war with each other so alternia could take them both out and trigger the reckoning, which is absolutely a great decision for everyone involved probably. she spent years manipulating the poeple of both kigndoms to think she was totally helping while secretly actually driving them closer and closer to war, and priming her heirs to both kinda go crazy and be shit rulers (jake was fed story after story of some great god for his hope to cling to, which made himc ompletely abandon ship to try and resurrect it, and jane was just raised to think exactly like condy and hten given an enchanted crown just in case. sucks to suck). killing the other nobles and faking her own death was basically the fuse that set everything off and everything continues to get worse! so whats jake doing with his silly little cult that absolutely wont have serious repercussions later on? trying to raise a dead god, of course! he spent years hearing stories about this powerful 'Lord English', who could only be summoned by a powerful figure of light oly known as 'Doc Scratch' - once LE was summoned, he would cleanse the world of darkness with his pure and cleansing light which totally isnt ominous at all nooo jake took on the name Jake English in honour of his god, and his followers keep calling him Doc Scratch or just Scratch, which he at first told them to stop doing bc smth smth sacriliege but eventually he kinda got into it - maybe he could be the Scratch that brings light to the kingdoms! he was meant to be the hope that saves them, after all - maybe he could end the war!! pro tip: never tell a hope guy about an all powerful god he will hyperfixate on it and lose his mind a lil so derses missing a heir, prospits missing a king and their queen is making… questionable decisions, and theyre both on the brink of war and being lead by a bunch of teenagers (oh yeah the royals are like. 19. and the heirs are 16) surely things cant get worse!!!! and then dirkjake happens

tfw some mysterious charismatic (hot as hell) guy that kinda sorta looks like the missing king but youre too distracted by his everything else shows up, tells you about all these issues youre facing that he really shouldnt know about, and then tells you he has the solution (and also hes hot and youre gay and aaa-) it takes a while, but eventually dirk (desperate to live up to his father and fix everything, and also gay as hell and talking to a cute guy), agrees to help the cult worshippers - and he has the highest honour! he gets to become the human host for their all powerful lord until they can fully channel him onto this plane of existence! isnt that incredible!!! so now derses also missing a king and theres a rogue god in a royals body running around that absoultely doesnt have the best intentions lets be real 'dirk' resurfaces for long enough to try and kill roxy (since the royals are the only one who can stop LE smth smth prophecy bullshit) so she fortifies the castle, tells the heirs to stay the fuck there and not leave, and then completely dips (rogue of void baybee shes going rogue to try and fix everything), and janes acting more and more off, and now four 16 year olds are effectively in charge of two kingdoms at the brink of war man that sucks"

discord user new nintendont ds(i) replies to a message from discord user The DPetter that says 'you love creating chaos' with 'i do !', before continuing their unhinged rant:

"anyway while all this is going on alternia is like. surpirsingly chill? probably because condys gone lets be real

like yeah they still have the caste structure, but its not as rigidly enforced right. the empress is gone, but since she isnt officially declared dead her heir (feferi) cant ascend to the throne, and so alternia is just kinda left drifting leaderless for. a while. eventually the enforced intercaste violence and culling and hatred slowly fades away - sure its still there, but its far less intense yk this is where karkat grows up, and weirdly kinda. hes not thriving yk but he doesnt have to wake up thinking hes gonna die. when his mutation eventually gets revealed, he gets a lot of shit for it, and some people treat him like shit (he gets ignored at stores or midlly attacked fairly freeuqently), but theyre past the point of just. killing on sight. yeah sure hes a freak with weird blood but thats not their business yk. theyre not just gonna kill him on the street for it. this is all tolerable and surviveable and fine - until condy randomly comes back one day! and suddenly everythings in full force - the caste structure is just as violently enforced as it once was, if not more so as the kingdom prepares for war, and now everyone knows about karkat being a mutant. so he just. leaves. hauls ass out of there before they can catch him, and heads to derse - either of the human kingdoms were probably his best bet, and condy knows the least about and has the least control over derse so. off he goes. he runs into dave and they have some davekat bullshit (alternias magical structure is different in that everyone has abilites because theyre trained to harness whatever latent magic they have - everyone except karkat, who doesnt have shit! he blames his mutation. everyone else blames his mutation. either of htose on their own would be a death sentence but with both hes fucked).

so yeah you got yaoi with the two powerless freaks bonding and also dave trying to hide a civilian from an enemy kingdom in the castle while its locked down, you got fucked up yaoi with dirkjake (tfw your boyfriend is also hosting your god youve been worshipping for years). you got yaoi eventually with rosemary because im love htem. you got trans june harley my fucking beloved. you got jane eventually getting over her brainwashing and kicking condys ass. you got three kingdoms about to kill each other and the complete wildcard of a rogue god also trying to kill everyone. no ones having a good time rn oh yeah also alternias big on the child soldier thing every troll is raised to be a potential soldier which is why they all have training for powers and titles that determine their role in society vs the human kingdoms which only allow the few selected royals to have magic (i think most humans could have magic if they were trained for it from birth oevr generations just like the trolls were (although culling non magical trolls definitely helps)) and then the themes etc etc hang on im gonna steal these from the doc 'not being able to live up to your percieved role/what you 'should' be - dirk looks up to the former king and tries his best to emulate him, dave is meant to be (and wants to be) heir to the derse throne but just cant do it, john is becoming (and really doesnt want to be) the king of prospit, karkat not manifesting powers like hes supposed to, jane not following the prospitian naming tradition like shes supposed to - hell even the kingdoms themselves cant live up to waht theyre supposed to be god idk theres something there. i just. a world where everyone is literally assigned a title describing what theyre supposed to be, and a theme of rejecting identities/assumptions imposed on you or failing to live up to those identites,,,, im too tired for this shit but its gonna haunt me for a while i think' thanks past me theres a big thing with the false dichotomy between the kingdoms too -theyre each more like w hat the other tries to pretned they are yk derse is all secrecy and backstabbing and logic but they allow a false heir simply because they dont want to seperate family and they all stay together even though they really shouldnt. prospit is warmth and openness and kindness but the royals barely talk to each other, and theyre all so blinded and divided by their own shit (and/or leaving to start cults) that most of them have no clue what the others hve going on anyway i think thats everything jesus christ its been 50 minutes"

the screenshots under the cut are from the same user in a different sever, now with the username 'technicalGraphicist [TG]', who says:

"i have a lot of thoughts abt the alternians actually!! theyre almost the complete opposites of the human kingdoms when it comes to classpects - im still trying to figure out how exactly they work, but while for the human royals your title is changed/created to suit who you are, for alternians your title is what you are - its given to you when you reach a certain age, and it dictates your role in society (obviously theres some grey areas there when it comes to how your caste interacts with your role - a bronzeblood is never going to be heir yk. its probably just a coincidence that the more important roles always go to the highbloods haha yeah definitely) im still trying to figure out how exactly alternian society is structured/how some of the roles work but very roughly its like: feferi - witch of life. official heir to the alternian throne, even if her title doesnt reflect that (fuschia overrules title - maybe theyre some controversy with her not having the correct title? hm. condy isnt a heir either shes a thief,, does she steal the throne? does anyone even remember the old queen? does this even matter?) eridan - prince. second in command (or would be, if feferi was queen, or kinda is since she kinda is?). imagining theres a. idk how to describe this without comparing it to aus' political structure - you got the queen (condy/feferi) and then the prime minister (eridan) that actually runs the place? smth smth that roles there for when the queen is off doing military shit or whatever equius - heir. second in command to the second in command. if eridan died hed be the prince. not sure which would be worse gamzee - bard. hes just. hes the court jester. he probably has some other role in how he ties into court functioning but im too tired to think about it rn yk vriska - thief. assigned criminal at birth /j intersting to think abt roles like this being government assigned and enforced, though - if the alternian military system was in full swing, i think shed probably be a spy for alternia (thief of light - stealing knowledge yk. not entirely sure how aspects tie into the titles but they definitely do) terezi - seer. seers are probably the most diverse when it comes to how their aspect impacts their class - like seers of heart are definitely the ppl to give classpect titles out yk. terezi again would probably be a spy role? or interrogating prisoners for information or smth yk. non militarised alternia terezis just chilling fucking around with vriska rn

kanaya - sylph. i dont. i dont actually know what a sylph is. google says its an imaginary spirit of the air whcih really doesnt help. smth smth the information division? similar to vrisrezi rk (actually kind works for a general structure - highbloods are court/command, midbloods are information and lowbloods are soldiers/physical work. hm) nepeta - rogue. same as vriska! definitely a lower tier though,, she probably just steals stuff instead of infiltrates for information. catburglar,,,,, karkat - knight. fancy title for soldier. kinda mirrors canon karkats thing with being obsessed with being a good soldier for the empress. lmao thats not gonna save you bud youre doubleculled (mutant and no powers). sollux - mage. rare exception to the 'lowbloods are gruntwork' rule. either in the nerdy information gathering section or its similar to canon where powerful psiionics are living batteries/weapons ( i dont think theyd have the tech to battery them so hes probably like. magic battery? hmmm. torn on this guy actually (fits the duality hteme. god i hate him)). potentially leaves after akrkat does when he realises that hes just gonna get batteried after alternia goes all military again tavros - page. serves knight. lesser soldier? would work under any knights (implies karkat actually had a decent role in the military which is interesting) aradia - maid. works in the castle. arafef friendship is real and true and amazing and equius continues to be weird to her."

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[summonhouse]

did u know !!!!! i am . INTERESTED in your characters and u should Tell me all about them

WAA WAA WAAA (HITS YOU WITH BRICKS )

Heres two collections of characters .

housecats who ive detailed plenty recently. the perfect person/pp, xerox, catch 22, and amaryllis/no signal. they are (sans amaryllis) fiction aware interdimensional creatures. the perfect person is the hand of god (me as a writer) torturing and assisting fictional creatures, xerox serves to clean up forgotten and abandoned stories lest they become overrun by nightmares and void, catch 22 is the nightmares and void, and amaryllis is pps normal child.

pp's a righteous bitch, extremely erratic and constantly experiencing back and forth. to have personality while also being explicitly and only a tool for someone who enjoys hurt/comfort is existentially hellish; it cannot allow for any personal connection because it will inevitably be torn apart for some writer sanctioned angst. its also only able to do what writers are capable of and so could easily be written stripped of its powers and lives knowing it has to serve or be trashed (which it had been for a year until recently and is still recovering). xerox is nice and sweet, despite regularly killing people and fighting monsters and the other housecats being very mean to him. he wishes everyone had the clarity to enjoy their time on screen and submit gracefully when the curtains close as an inevitability. catch 22 is just miserable and wants to see everything end (as it cannot) so seeks to permanently ruin any story it could. it personally despises pp for reasons i actually cannot remember. something about stealing its partner before it turned into a creepy void centaur? amaryllis is pretty normal, half mortal and ignorant to the larger problems around it really. in canon verse its been kidnapped by catch 22 in the hopes of hurting pp or inspiring it to try and rescue it but pp actually doesnt really care so amaryllis has been left abandoned to rot away in the void. i like to think about what i call "normalverse" aus where that didnt happen and it grows up relatively normal. i think it has a very .. heady personality

heres characters for fibs story which im in the process of rewriting. i originally made it in 2019 and dropped it for 2-3 years and am only now picking it back up so theres a lot of reworking i need to do and explanation is mostly going to be recollection. its about a dog named fib (first guy), he used to be prince lye of the laurel kingdom before labyrinth (second guy), a malicious magical entity, teamed up with another canine to usurp his parents and tossed fib in a magical prison for a decade or so, where fib slowly goes mad. the usurper has since died and so fib has been released, but the magic of his binding has leaked into him and he is now cursed so that he cannot tell the truth, instead automatically saying lies which then warp reality into whatever he had stated. still he is the only one who can take title of king and now struggles to maintain control of his kingdom. he now goes on an adventure to try and track down labyrinth to reverse his curse, learning lessons along the way about self reflection, different nonverbal ways of communication, boundaries and expectations in relationships he has with others, and generally coping with immense trauma. cricket (third guy) hunts fib down during his journey; when fib was a normal boy, so was cricket, and they were young best friends before lye was imprisoned. with no clarity on the situation as someone new takes over the throne, cricket assumes that lye had simply ran away, abandoning the kingdom for worse as the new king subjected the kingdom to needless war, drafting the young cricket who dies on the battle field and resurrects through his rage, digging himself out of his mass grave and now seeking to kill fib. lie (fourth guy) is like totally nothing i just wanted to put him up there LOL hes some sort of spooky doll magical creature who seeks to manipulate fib by feigning kinship, for profit i guess

i love. to think and talk